This week’s Substack post has been published a day early because of a busy weekend ahead. It’s a lengthy, weighty topic. But, I think, an important one.
A few years ago I was part of a women’s discipleship group. One required book was (essentially) a how-to on “biblical womanhood.” Well, really, it was just for married “biblical women,” ideally “biblical women” with children…One chapter emphasized the importance of wives asking permission from their husbands, even for small things like taking a meal to a friend. I think that was the moment I threw the book across the room. At the time, I hadn’t heard (or paid attention) to the terms “complementarian” and “egalitarian.” I was in the early stages of vocalizing my own pushback against rigid standards I was beginning to believe weren’t actually biblical. And while my husband and I have always had a partnered, equal marriage, I was still unsure about the church as a whole, where men seem to rule and women are relegated to the margins.
I had become so comfortable with my few allotted church tasks: greeting team, helping with parachurch events and projects, women’s bible study, women’s discipleship groups. My entire life, Sunday morning was dominated by men: men opened with prayer, read bible verses, (predominantly) led worship, served communion, took up the offering, preached the sermons, ran sound and powerpoint, and gave the announcements. Men led homegroups and served as deacons and elders, and made all of the decisions for the local church. Women volunteered for the nursery and brought home cooked dishes for potluck suppers.
The reasoning for “male headship” (a term often used in complementarian settings) is based on a few select Bible passages, an argument that the “created order” (Adam first, then Eve) is rationale for women’s submission to men (wives to husbands, congregants to male church leadership, etc.). Some more extreme (dare I say cultish) organizations and churches even preached a model called the “umbrella of authority” (God - Men - Women - Children). Then there are a few select passages from the New Testament where it seems the Apostle Paul affirms women’s silence and submission. An entire theology and church culture of (sometimes unintentional) repression and marginalization was built on what I honestly believe is a misunderstanding of scripture, a hyper focus on roles rather than freedom. Countless churches created moral codes based on a smattering of Pauline verses, ignoring Jesus’ radical inclusion.
I remember hearing that Deborah was an anomaly, an example of what happens when men fail to lead. Her leadership was dismissed. Moses was championed, Miriam and the heroic midwives ignored. I heard male abdication leads to women taking over and taking charge, that Eve was more responsible than Adam for the fall. Sermons centered around the male disciples, rarely the female followers. David’s sin was explained as adultery, never rape (and sometimes Bathsheba was blamed a little bit too). I was once in a bible study where every man was required to take turns leading, including 12-year-old boys (because they were considered men), but never the women. Even in a more casual setting, women were not allowed to teach, hearing instead from giggling prepubescent boys.
...
A friend of mine recently said looking at Jesus changed his perspective and understanding of women in the church. Truthfully, it’s been the same for me. I’m sure many churches, pastors, and leaders who adhere to complementarian traditions mean well. They believe they’re living faithfully according to their understanding of scripture, arguing the church should look different from the world.
But what about the world of Jesus’ day? A world where women could be divorced for burning dinner, for “failing” to sexually please their husbands, where women could not inherit wealth, pursue education, or serve as witnesses; a world so steeped in legalism women were horrifically stoned for presumed adultery (with little defense against rape and abuse).
Jesus arrives in the most incredible way. He could have just wandered into Jerusalem as a grown man. But the incarnation of Jesus first includes the story of women: Mary and her cousin Elizabeth. In the very beginning we’re introduced to the highly religious culture that would have stoned Mary had Joseph been a cad.
Throughout his ministry, Jesus interacts often with women, his longest recorded conversation is with a Samaritan woman. And Jesus tells her: “the time is coming—it has, in fact, come—when what you’re called will not matter and where you go to worship will not matter.” The time is now, Jesus says, divisions are crumbling, man-made hierarchies and cultural prejudices do not determine your innate worth in the kingdom. “It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God,” Jesus says.
Luke documents the story of “the town harlot” who arrives at a dinner party she is not invited to and touches, caresses, kisses, cries over the feet of Jesus. The guests are furious, certain Jesus must not be a prophet because what good prophet would allow the touch of a harlot. But Jesus isn’t shocked by her profession, doesn’t condemn her “lifestyle” or the intimate foot treatment. He extends love and forgiveness to the dismay of the judgmental men present. “Go in peace,” he says.
Women are purposefully and beautifully present throughout Jesus’ ministry. When the disciples flee in fear, women remain at the foot of the cross, when the disciples despair, women faithfully arrive at the tomb and discover it empty. Mary Magdalene (a woman) is the first to see and speak with the resurrected Christ and tell the others (though they refuse to believe her).
…
In “The Making of Biblical Womanhood,” author and historian Beth Allison Barr introduces readers to the many women mentioned in Paul’s letters that *male* translators, writers, preachers, etc., attempted to erase from any historical importance later on. But these women in the early church served in various leadership roles, from apostles to deacons, servants, ministers, and missionaries. The early church, in fact, was not a bleak place where women were expected to shut up as the pagan culture dictated. Paul writes “there is neither male or female...” dismantling the hierarchy that existed in the ancient world.
Barr writes, “By insisting that Paul told women to be silent, evangelicals have capitulated to patriarchal culture once again … we have ditched the freedom in Christ that Paul was trying so hard to give us … As a historian, I knew why the women in Paul’s letters did not match the so-called limitations that contemporary church leaders place on women. I knew it was because we have read Paul wrong. Paul isn’t inconsistent in his approach to women; we have made him inconsistent through how we have interpreted him.”
Reconsidering Paul’s words, digging deeper into historical and cultural realities, and asking tough questions seems to anger many complementarian men. Paul praises Phoebe, Priscilla, and Junia. But modern preachers say Beth Moore (though we know they really mean any woman who teaches and preaches) should stay home. Jesus honored the town harlot, appeared to Mary Magdalene, conversed with a multi-married Samaritan woman. But countless modern churches won’t even allow women to lead a coed Bible study.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to sit back contentedly in quiet submission, while the men run the churches and the women juggle nursery babies and read books on being better biblical wives and mothers. It’s a risk to speak out — Barr’s received her share of criticism and condescending reviews. But like Barr says, “Patriarchy may be a part of Christian history, but that doesn’t make it Christian.”
In “Recovering From Biblical Manhood and Womanhood,” Aimee Byrd writes, “We don’t find a command anywhere in Scripture for all women to submit to all men. We don’t find directions for women to function as masculinity affirmers. We find that men and women are called together in the same mission: eternal communion with the triune God.”
…
We’ve piled on a multitude of actions for “good Christian living,” or “biblical manhood and womanhood.” We’ve created requirements, focused on different roles, built entire empires separating the sexes. We’ve told men to be defenders and leaders, and women to be subservient homemakers. We’ve done a good job convincing thousands for generations that God’s great plan is to keep women at home and men ruling and leading.
There’s an old quote: “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” And while I’m not referring to literal hellfire and brimstone, there’s a certain kind of hell-on-earth some women have found themselves in because of well-intentioned men in favor of patriarchy and subjugation, silencing women, belittling voices, ignoring questions.
But Jesus. Meek and lowly, gentle and mild,
kind to the least, empathetic to the silenced,
Jesus saw women burdened and worn down by culture and religion,
he listened when men ignored,
he blessed when men condemned,
he wept for their sorrow,
honored their dignity,
spoke and comforted,
touched and loved.
Women matter, not just in the home, not only as silent observers, but as integral parts in church, ministry, and marriage. We are beautifully and wonderfully made, created in the Imago Dei. We have a place in the kingdom, the here-and-now, we have freedom to speak and write, create and teach. We are not bound by patriarchy. We are free in Jesus’ name.
'The Road to Hell'
So good! Thank you for this!